FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
