im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
