I wish I could punch you in the face.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
