Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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