Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
