I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
