why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
