every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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