at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
