I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
