Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
