So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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