i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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