I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
