I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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