it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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