I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
