I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
