so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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