so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
