nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
