first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
