I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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