She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
