The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just had sex on a roof
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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