Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
