so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
