and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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