was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
