You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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