So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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