so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
What drink are we having for lunch?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
