I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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