Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
