and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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