What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
