I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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