So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
