i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
