i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
