If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
