Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
