so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
