There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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