I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize