Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
