i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
