My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
