you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
