A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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