mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
