did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
