She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
