soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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