I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
