so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
