Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
