Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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