You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
