you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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