im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your penis caused this!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
