pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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