So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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