At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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