What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
