so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
