My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it glows. i had to have it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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