I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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