it wasn't lemon gatorade
We need to rekindle our bromance
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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